I couldn’t eat a whole one

I have never had the urge to be a mother. Occasionally I have had a few seconds of broodiness when around a small baby but then it cries or needs its nappy changing or its mother tells the horror story of its birth and the moment of madness runs screaming from the reality as the small human is returned to its parent.

I am quite good at being an aunt. In fact I’m a great aunt. I have three Great Nieces and a Great Nephew courtesy of my Big Sis’s stepson and stepdaughter – I hasten to point out that I am very young to be a Great Aunt, my sister is MUCH older than me.

Daddy-Bear, Janie-Bear and the Cubs

Beardy Man has children. They are truly amazing and I really love the time we spend with them but I still have no urge to be a mother. I think mothers are incredible. When we have the children we are Daddy-Bear, Janie-Bear and the Bear Cubs (who I will call He-Cub and She-Cub) I will never regard myself as a stepmother because to be a mother/mum/mummy is so much more than being a father’s female partner who periodically acts in loco parentis. The cubs have a fantastic mum, who I respect and admire enormously, and they have a Janie-Bear.

Today marks the end of Week One with the Bear Cubs. On Monday the four of us were joined by Crazy Old Cat Lady (COCL) who brought my nephew, his 8 year old daughter (to be known as Aries,) his girlfriend (to be known as Juliet) and her daughter (to be known as Goldilocks) up to Lowestoft. They left at lunchtime today (Friday) and I have the darkened room booked for later. I am utterly exhausted but extremely pleased with myself – five adults and four children have all had a brilliant time: Pleasurewood Hills Theme Park, the beach, Norwich, Great Yarmouth, Oulton Broad and more ice-cream than an ice-creamy thing from ice-creamville (and that was just the adults) He-Cub (7) and She-Cub (10-teen) have been flaked out in front of the TV this afternoon. 

Pleasurewood Hills

Tomorrow we begin Week Two, The Sequel, which will star Nephew’s sister (Sneeze) and her two girls (Pisces, aged 8 and Taurus, 10-teen) as well as Beardy Man’s mum (Mummy B) and his twin sister (Taz) Locations used include Lowestoft, Abingdon, London and Worthing, with the emotional finale - returning the cubs to their mum - in Bedford.

I am very excited. Fingers crossed it works as well as Week One.

I still regard myself very much as an outsider in the realms of dealing with children and as such I would like to share with you some of the amazing things I have learnt:

1      Children are like seagulls – when there are tasty morsels to be had the noise and clamour is deafening.
2      Children are like cats – they hear and understand and then decide whether or not to take any notice.
3      Children are like dogs – before a long car journey you must exercise them and get them to have a wee.
4      Children are like cats AND dogs – one minute they are driving you nuts and the next they are so   disarmingly adorable they can get away with anything.

I love children, but…